2012: The End Is Nigh

Good day, fine people of the internet.

This is an official announcement to say that your worst nightmares have come true: I will indeed be using my words and saving them in blog format again. Soon. Very soon.

It has been a full year since last I horrified the nations of the world by jamming my razor sharp wit, impeccable taste and comedic timing down your throats but I have decided that enough is enough, and you all need to be punished.

Punished for your insolence. Read my words, people...actually, yeah, that's about it. Read my words.

In this blog or the next, till death do us part.

Amen.

Happy Star Wars Day, you bunch of geeks!

Hello, boys and possibly a girl! I have brought you all today to wish you all a happy Star Wars day, which is quickly becoming my favourite holiday after Holloween, 4/20, and Xbox 360 Day.

Now, some of you may see Star Wars as a little bit geeky but hey...well...actually I don't know where I was going with that. I guess that is the true spirit of Star Wars day.

So, to pay homage, I leave you all with a little something I like to call awesome...

R.E.M. should sing about this...get it?

Hey folks! I know, its been a while but scouring the series of tubes for entertaining and uplifting content is as soul-destroying as it is hilarious.

Don't worry, though! I am back, and with some good news: In my absence, the top of the world has exploded rendering air travel useless and giving us all hope that one day a giant black cloud of smouldering ash will drown out our sunlight as well.

Rumour has it that the only way to stop it is to throw Al Gore into Mount Doom, or whatever they call it in Iceland. Well, the country formerly known as Iceland. I heard rumours of it changing to Lavaland - you know, for accuracy. I approve.

For those of you who haven't witnessed the spectacle, here it is:


If you look closely, you can see Peter Jackson wishing his movies looked that cool, while eating a beef sandwich.

A Dish Best Served Cold

Men, you know what it's like to find the love of your life. You sit down at a corner cafe and then suddenly, there she is! Her scent is intoxicating, and you'd give anything for a just a nibble. Not shabby for something you order off the light lunch menu!

Women also don't seem to understand that a hungry man is a grumpy man, so when he requests a sandwich it is best to just listen. You know, until you have time to serve him with divorce papers.

Meanwhile, take a look over here:


Who said chauvinism isn't hilarious? Oh yes. Women.

The Usual Suspects

I'm actually scared of writing something about this post, in fear of some speckled zit-jockey correcting my grammar or commenting on the validity of my information.

As a matter of fact, my grammar is perfectly fine. She makes me rusks on my birthday. Freakin' sweet.

Anyway, don't be a dick. Go watch your blu-ray copy of Shawshank Redemption somewhere else. Actually, can I come? That movie ROCKS!

Selleck Waterfall Sandwich

So, what do you get if you combine the three most manliest things in the world? The three manliest things obviously being Tom Selleck, sandwiches and waterfalls.

Before you leap out of your chair to tell me that waterfalls are not manly, I advise you to go look over at THIS SITE, imaginatively called "Selleck Waterfall Sandwich". Wow, must have taken a while to think that one up!

Here is a little taste of what you can expect:


Wow! I feel my moustache growing twice as fast, already! That's manly.

The Internet: An "Artist's" Impression

So, what do you think the internet would look like, if you could summarise it with an image?

If you said "a pair of boobs straddled by a raptor with a laser on its head", we would be one the same page.

However, this is another (clearly inferior) artist's impression:


Here is the HIGH-RES version. Yeah, I know. It's actually totally awesome!

An Inglorious Realisation

I'm pretty sure the picture says it all...priceless! Inglorious Basterds had to be one of my favourite movies of 2009, and it seems like the memes around it are just as clever.

Gotta love it.

Nibbles: Funny, and I'm not talking about the name.

So, I was recently made aware of a new local online comic so I decided to give it a gander and I was pleasantly surprised.

Here is how the creator describes it:

"Have you ever been in love? Have you ever been rejected? Have you ever had a crappy day? If you haven't you're a liar. Nibbles is a take on all the crappier parts of our lives, from relationships, sex to just life in general. It's a bit of something that everyone has gone though at some point in their lives."



Go on, show your support!

Just In Case You Forget...

This will come in handy one day. You can thank me later.

[SOURCE]

Zombie Bite Calculator

So, how long would you last if you are bitten by a zombie? Find out here!

Here is my result:



All I know is, I'm eating you first.

Just when you thought you've seen it all: Star Wars Burlesque

Being a big fan of burlesque, I've seen a few shows recently and I'm delighted that the scene is catching on. Taking a step away from raunchy into something a little more seductive, burlesque mixes gothic cabaret with Moulin Rouge-esque escapades and the eventual striptease, emphasis on the tease.

For my account of one of the last shows that I watched, take a look OVER HERE.

If you want to know a little more about the genre check out THIS link to the lovely ladies over at Black Orchid Burlesque, a Cape Town based troupe. Great girls, great performers.

In any case, I recently came across a very bizarre article and even more bizarre images...someone decided that mixing Star Wars and burlesque would be a good idea.

I'm not so sure. We been plagued by Leia's weird golden bikini for too long, and NOW THIS?

You make up your own mind, you geek you.






[SOURCE] [Full Gallery]

Surprise Pedobear attack!

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Yeah...I totally got you.

Avatar-Pocahontas

Okay, let me be honest. I haven't seen Avatar yet so I am technically not allowed to make fun of it yet, blah blah blah. I don't care.

Yes, I can't wait to see it and everyone tells me something different about it but the main consensus is that while the special effects are extraordinary and the movie is great, the plot is a bit straight forward and been done.

Had a good laugh at a modified Pocahontas book report changed to suit the Avatar storyline...good going, Mr. Cameron.

What I learned from Left 4 Dead

As you may have noticed, zombie-killing ranks quite high on my "favourites" list and one of the games that satisfies the most is Left 4 Dead. I can't wait for the sequel!

That said, the game did have a few obvious flaws and continuity issues, as discussed in the following pic. It's freakin' hilarious, take a look:

Your Scene Sucks!

Everyone has heard the term "emo" but these days it seems like "scene" is the new, well...scene.

This look merges the dark clothing and fringe hairstyles with brighter colours, funky and eccentric styling and less cutting, I hope.

In any case, I stumbled across Your Scene Sucks today and it was quite interesting to take a look at. Not surprisingly I can allocate some of the styles to a few people I know. Who cares, anyway. People can wear whatever they want, as long as they are like what they look like. Nothing else matters (I guess Metallica was correct).

Am I right? Of course I am.

The non-evolution of the PS3 - lame!

So, I thought that my good deed for the year would be to kick PS3 in the nuts a little for just being so damn...Sony.

I know, it's a nightmarish world we live in but luckily the Xbox360 is there is the one true beacon of light in an otherwise murky console world.

Rumour has it that one day all Xbox360 users will be saved during Console Rapture but hey, that is if the Flying Spaghetti Monster or Cthulhu doesn't save us first.

Avatar Can Haz Cheeseburger?

I found this snooping around my usual internet watering holes so I thought I'd share it with the rest of you guys.

You can thank me later. I respond well to sexual favours, beer and bandwidth...or all of the above.

True Story.